The Biggest Word I learned Was “No”

Aya Bazzoun

A word in the English vocabulary that I refrain from using is ‘shibboleth.’ 

I simply do not like how this word sounds and that’s the sole reason for my refusal… but I never thought my absolute unwillingness to use certain words would be so deeply intertwined with cultural standards that marked the lines of ‘femininity’ I was allowed to cross. 

To elaborate: I was never taught that the word “No.” was anything but a last resort. Contrary, I was taught to always be kind, and never intentionally hurt anyone. And as I went on about my life, analyzing traditional standards and constantly hearing about a woman’s role in society from the perspective of anyone but a woman, I discovered a mere truth… respect and the usage of the word, “No.” were not mutually exclusive. 

See, the kindness I was expected to exhibit entailed much more than an act of altruism, more so a sacrifice of my well-being for the needs of others… 

For a long time, I wasn’t taught that putting yourself first was in fact not a crime and that the ability to draw boundaries was definitely not refuting all I stood for. See this word no, simply two letters, extended itself to the effectiveness of a sentence. 

My understanding of the word, ‘no’ taught me what a boundary was. It taught me a simple idea: Some things don’t need explaining, but most importantly, it taught me that there was nothing blasphemous about a refusal.

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Aya Bazzoun is an aspiring physicist. In her studies, she has found that a piece of her heart will always belong to the art of writing. She is happy to share this piece that she wrote after a trip back from her homeland of South Lebanon!