By Tamiyah Scott

Nothing could’ve prepared me for this. The immense feeling of nostalgia that comes with motherhood. This, once a dream, is now a reality. As I sit in the cozy warmth of my living room, I see my dream run across the carpet with her brown teddy bear. Her curls drape along behind her, flowing so beautifully. My childhood was nothing like hers. I want her to live better than me. In all ways. 

The sun would shine in my eyes, forcing me out of sleep. I would look to my left and see nothing. No toys, no books, no color. Nothing. I didn’t have the greatest childhood. I lived my life trying to please my parents in any way possible. My parents were harsh on me, always wanting me to get the highest grades and be the most talented. As a mother now, I see it’s because of their childhood and how they were raised. This was the beginning of my dream. I want to raise my child into a loving life.

I shake my head, ridding of the memories that haunt me today. Then it happens. I’m laying on the bed, doctors are over me yelling things to each other that I can’t understand. All I hear are the sounds of words, but not the actual words. Then it hits. Screaming. I’m screaming. It’s happening. The beginning of my dream has started. Like a train, it started to gain speed. After what feels like an eternity, it’s over. I blink and a smile is shining up at me. She was here. I’ve never felt so overwhelmed with love. 

She’s not the little girl I was holding in my arms before. She’s a senior now. Oh, how the time flies. Her smile, shining so bright, reminds me of something. A flash occurs. It’s a memory. I see myself? I didn’t realize it until now. Even though I raised her entirely differently than how my parents raised me, there are so many similarities. She developed my habit of drinking coffee before working. 

Oh, how I love this. The bittersweet feeling of nostalgia as my daughter walks across the stage. Her name is called and she is handed the diploma. For a split second, an image of me flashes as she smiles. 

Now she’s crossing another stage. She’s getting married. Before the ceremony, I sit her down.

“My love, this is a big moment. I’m so proud of you and everything you’ve done,” I whisper with affection.

“I know, Mom, but I’m more proud of you. I know you had a troubling childhood and I’m grateful you tried so hard to make a difference for me.” The words sent be aback. Then the feeling was there again, I see me in you.

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This is Tamiyah Scott from Georgia and she enjoys writing because it is a way of expressing her thoughts and opinions in a way that sparks one’s imagination. She also emojis traveling and photography.