By Newton Tran

I never hated football,
It just wasn’t me.
It wasn’t before I told you,
And it still isn’t now.

You just think
It’s different now
Because I stopped caring
If you were proud.

I snuck lipstick on
When I was a boy,
And I’m still a boy.
I just know not to around you now.

Your most truthful language
Was always violent or silent,
But one day, you calmly admitted
Being close to me gives you discomfort.

My own dad doubts his hugs,
And that’s the first time
In years
I’ve felt truly hurt by your words.

You’re scared you’ll have to
Treat me like your daughter.
She drifted away,
But I promise that would’ve happened
Even if she were gay.

There’s not a lick of evidence
To mark me
Guilty as cha[n]ged.

I’m still the same overachiever
Who’s scared of the other men—
Now scared to love them.

It never hurt me before
To feel my love for you
At a distance.

It just guts me to know
You hesitate to show your
Love for me in an instant.

It’s unnameable,
The feeling that ripples
Like the border between us now.

You won’t beat me,
Or toss me into the street.
We just both know
I’m not the son you wanted to meet.

I swear to God,
I’m the same person,
And you can’t change your own feelings,
Like you can’t change mine.
I just wish you’d try a little harder
Before the big ref upstairs
And the ball in my chest
Calls time.

Newton Tran is a English major at the University of Texas at Austin from Temple, Texas. He is the social editor of The Daily Texan and spends his free time performing with Longhorn Singers, journaling and reading cheesy rom-coms. Follow Newton on Instagram and Tiktok @newt.73!