By Vivienne Camille

There is nothing more unexpected and inadvertent than the sea. I remember sitting at the beach and reflecting on this as a child. The sea can be beautiful and quiet; its soft waves can caress you gently as they meet your feet at the shore, it can swing your body peacefully under the crisp sun, it can be warm and soft, tranquil and smooth.

But that’s not all there is to it for the sea can be furious, it can have the strength of a thousand gods, it can pull you away from the shore and drown you in the deep end, it can make you feel its anger washing over you with every single wave, it can be harsh and strong, its salt can make your eyes sting and your throat ache, it can destroy even the steadiest lighthouse. It can drown you, hurt you, show you its anger, take your breath away, and if you let it, even fill you up with its salty water, slowly until just like poison it washes every bit of life out of you. 

I have always found strangeness in how we choose to believe in the beauty and gentleness of the sea even after feeling its fury, how we choose to remember the peaceful swing over the feeling of its anger washing over us with every wave. This sometimes makes me wonder if we have been too quick in forgiving the sea for its sins.

The sea has proved to be painful and mean, strong and unexpected, and still to me there is nothing in this world that can compare to the hope for a good day at the sea, a day when its beauty shines through its anger. So, it can’t matter how many times I have seen it destroy the steadiest lighthouses, the countless grains of sand it has gotten under my skin, the bruises it has left on my thighs as a reminder of the fury with which its waves have hit me. Not even the breath it has slowly stolen or the life it has managed to wash out of me matter because to me none of that pain will ever compare to the sweetness that can be brought from its peaceful swing and gentle caress.

As for today, the sea has bruised me, stolen my breath and poisoned me with its salt. It has drowned me and destroyed me, hit me and trapped me. But still, I will come back to it tomorrow for I am no one without the sea. Perhaps because the pain it has made me used to is like a drug that’s got me hooked, perhaps because I still have a dangerous hope for it to bring me soft waves that will let me take in the sweetness tomorrow, or perhaps because what I truly desire is for it to fill me up with enough of its salty water to drown me and sink me to its depths, to where the darkness is, to where I won’t feel the pain hope has given me any longer.

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No stranger to strong feelings, Vivienne Camille began translating her emotions into ink. Soon, they blossomed into stories with hearts of their own. After studying creative writing, Camille is now working on her first novel, scribbling on napkins, and reading — lots. You can follow her work in her instagram, @camillebellev