Eunice Chloe Millare
Love is usually what they call a warm feeling. A feeling of butterflies fluttering in your stomach. A feeling in which it makes your insides feel warm like a sunny afternoon. They say that love makes you feel safe and secure, like a cradle a mother would secure for her newborn child.
But why do I love differently? Why does my love tend to take risky jumps and hurdles? Why does my love make my stomach twist and heart clench in pain when I think a mere thought of you? Why do you make me feel all weak and shaky when your gaze lands upon me? Your voice makes my ears reject all sounds known to man and concentrate on the vibrations you cause my heart to make. You make the world a living blur, making you my muse.
I’ve got plenty of “why’s” in my entire existence. From asking, “Why do the dishes multiply when I look away?” to “Why does my absence not bother anyone?” But only one question lingers through my brain as time goes on:
Why does it hurt when I love?
Shouldn’t it make me happy? Shouldn’t it make me all joyful and gleeful? They say it’s all peace and comfort, but why do you cause chaos in my mind the moment you step in the vicinity of my vision? Why does everything stop when our eyes lace together? Don’t even start with that smile, that goddamned smile. When your lips curl into that sweet smile my heart goes with it. It’s like my heart is your marionette, the way it dances at the sound of your laugh. It’s crazy. I’m crazy.
This immense feeling causes me comfort in the midst of my discomfort. It’s crazy, to be honest. I never thought I’d find myself swimming in the deep waters of what they call “love.” I’ve thought of it as something so complicated, something that would make the strings of my life more tangled. But you, you just made it all clear. All of the loose threads and you’re the one in the center.
I kept on complaining and whining about how you made my world stop and my heart pound. I kept on pushing and rejecting this mind-boggling feeling I’d been experiencing. I wanted it to stop. I wanted these emotions to stay put and calm down.
And so it did.
You blended into the crowd. I could hear nothing but the noise of the people talking through their lives. You were nothing but just a mere spectacle of color within the vast majority of the people.
My heart beat at its normal pace once more.
–
Eunice Chloe is a 17-year old writer based in the Philippines who takes up a course that majors in writing. She often writes short and relatable stories or short poems on the internet for fun (and for her projects mostly).
Diamond Gazette 